Who ever made up group paper projects? Never again will I do 95% of a 10 page paper when I have a partner.

One more week of classes then finals. Hell yeah.

This past weekend was probably one of the best weekends that I've had since I've been here. 

Friday, Nicole came up and it was so good to spend time with her since I don't ever get to see her anymore.

Saturday I went out with my friend Ashley and some other girls from her dorm. It was like the first time that I really felt like I could just let loose and have a really good time with people who can do the same. They're the kind of people who can make a really shitty day good,  and the kind who know how to put their daily frustrations aside for a few hours to spend a night out with some good friends. I've realized that they can broaden my horizons when it comes to socializing here, which I feel is something that I really lack. I need to spend more time with these people.

I've been kind of frustrated lately but I don't like being so vocal about it because I don't like feeling as though I'm putting a damper on other peoples moods. I long for those who will take the time to listen and understand. Christmas vacation is so close yet so far.

my thing says I haven't updated this in 68 weeks hahah.

I still don't think it's hit me yet that high school is actually over. I mean yeah its great to not have to wake up at those ridiculous hours to sit in school for endless hours but it's just weird to know that we'll never have to do it again. it's US. it sounds so cliche and lame but i can still remember my first day of high school ever, down to what i was wearing.  i remember watching my sister graduate and all of the other upper classmen walk in their caps and gowns and we just did too and its crazy.  those 4 years have flown by so fast and now I'm sitting here, a high school graduate, wasting my time so that I don't have to take a math placement test for college. COLLEGE.
we've had our prom, our class day and we've graduated. we're done. and I thought it'd be all tears and "ohh im going to miss you so much"'s but it hasn't been like that at all. i'm sure that'll come in time though.. well, when we're all loading up our cars with our college gear finally having to part ways.

i got this acting job offer from my friend that graduated the year before me. he acts in a traveling dinner theater group and he sent me a message saying: "my acting group is looking for a strong female actress and you're the first person that came to mind. I couldn't see anyone else filling this role like you. If you're interested, let me know and I can set you up with an audition". 
getting paid to act? of course im interested. i dont think ive ever been more flattered or excited about something in my life. i got in contact with him but the only problem is that they would need me a lot for shows in the fall, and by that time I'll already be up at UMASS. I mean, i could travel back and forth on the weekends but honestly,  in my first semester at college, i don't think id be able to handle doing that on top of my double majors and doing shows there.  but i really really really want to. we'll seeee.

my mom had surgery today. she had a hysterectomy. the procedure she had was really risky, and the only reason she did it was because she didnt want to miss a lot of work., dont get me wrong, i admire the fact that she's so dedicated to her job but i didnt understand how she could put her work before herself. i guess women have died from the procedure and its gone wrong on some people and it wasn't the top choice among people cause of the statistics but its the one she picked. i stressed about it forever, especially this morning of course. like, ive never been so worried about something ever. i dont know what i would have done with myself if something went wrong, but it all went fine and shes resting in bed.

thats all for nowwwww.

i cant even talk about him in past tense. budd was...

it doesnt seem real. i can't let it be real.

i'm just waiting for him to pop out from around a corner or something and just be like NOOO GUY! it was a joke! but obviously thats not gona happen.

it's hard looking for him in the hall where i'd normally see him between classes, searching frantically, when in the back of my mind i know that i'm not gona find him. but hoping that somehow, he'd be there.

 you're finally right where you've wanted to be for over a year now hun. with you're gorgeous mom. together again. that's love.

 as they say, only the good die young. rest in peace, alain michael budd. 1/29/05

In acting class today, my group did like hardcore rehearsing for our play onstage. You see, what we are doing in class is like 5 one act plays, each directed by one or two acting 4 student and on FEBRUARY 3RD we are gonna perform. Im in Leanne and TJ's and I play a crazy person in a psychward whose scared of electronics. Its pretty cool if i do say so myself. Im excited about this one. EVERYONEEEE should definitely come see it. I havent seen much of the other 4 or 5 shows but they probably will be pretty good. PLEASE COMEEE! =)

I think ive got some serious hip problem. It started like a few months ago, and now randomly it will just like pop or start hurting while im walking or when i get up, so that i cant move at all. its so weird. it still pops a little when i walk always, but i think how it feels is to severe for someone my age. haha. maybe im aging too quickly. pretty soon im gonna have grey hairs.

The stars aren't out tonight, but neither are we to look up at them.